Thursday, September 29, 2005

When you ride down that two-eighty-five

I'm just tryin to save ya shorty. I'ma let you know
it's real down heah.
When you ride down that two-eighty-five,
and you go past Kincaid, get ready to go past that Cambleton Road
fo' you get it cut free shorty just shave; cause dat where dem
real ****** at.
I ain't lyin when you in Decatur and you flossin
down Glenwood, Candler Road or Rainbow to shave!
Cause dat where dem real ****** at.
When you're goin down that
ol' Nat Hill and you pass dat second waffle house 'fore you get
to the rich ****** daaang, cause dat where dem real ****** at!

Matter of fact, just shave when ya get to Georgia *****.

In the interest of helping out our friends from Raleigh who will be traveling down next week for the game, I figured I'd reset an old e-mail that's been around a few times - but keeps Atlanta in perspective.


  • Atlanta is composed mostly of one-way streets. The only way to get out of downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over when you reach Greenville, South Carolina.
  • All directions start with, "Go down Peachtree" and include the phrase, "When you see the Waffle House."
  • Except that in Cobb County, all directions begin with, "Go to the Big Chicken."
  • Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is not to be confused with:
  • Peachtree Circle
  • Peachtree Place
  • Peachtree Lane
  • Peachtree Road
  • Peachtree Parkway
  • Peachtree Run
  • Peachtree Terrace
  • Peachtree Avenue
  • Peachtree Commons
  • Peachtree Battle
  • Peachtree Corners
  • New Peachtree
  • Old Peachtree
  • West Peachtree
  • Peachtree-Dunwoody
  • Peachtree-Chamblee
  • Peachtree Industrial Boulevard
  • Atlantans only know their way to work and their way home. If you ask anyone for directions they will always send you down Peachtree.
  • Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola. That's all they drink there, so don't ask for any other soft drink unless it's made by Coca-Cola.
  • Gate One at Atlanta's Hartsfield International Airport is 32 miles away from the Main Concourse, so wear sneakers and pack a lunch.
  • The 8am rush hour is from 6:30 to 10:30 AM.
  • The 5pm rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:30 PM.
  • Friday's rush hour starts Thursday afternoon and lasts through 2am Saturday.
  • A native can only pronounce Ponce De Leon Avenue, so do not attempt the Spanish pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you. The Atlanta pronunciation is "pawns duh LEE-on".
  • The falling of one raindrop causes all drivers to immediately forget all traffic rules. If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for three days and it's on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a week. All grocery stores will be sold out of milk, bread, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer.
  • I-285, the loop that encircles Atlanta that has a posted speed limit of 55 mph (but you have to maintain 80 mph just to keep from getting run over), is known to truckers as "The Watermelon 500."
  • Don't believe the directional markers on highways. I-285 is marked "East"
  • and "West" but you may be going "North" or "South". The locals identify the direction by referring to the "Inner Loop" and the "Outer Loop".
  • If you travel on Hwy 92 North, you will actually be going southeast.
  • Never buy a ladder or mattress in Atlanta. Just go to one of the interstates and you will soon find one in the middle of the road.
  • The last thing you want to do is give another driver the finger, unless your car is armored, your trigger finger is itchy and your AK-47 has a full clip.
  • Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
  • There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Georgia.
  • There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Georgia, plus a couple no one has seen before.
  • If it grows, it sticks. If it crawls, it bites.
  • It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.
  • "Fixinto" is one word (I'm fixin' to go to the store).
  • Sweet Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're
  • 2 years old.
  • "Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"
  • It's impossible to go around a block and windup on the street you started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls it a "scenic route" and has posted signs to that effect so that out-of-towners don't feel lost ... they're just on a "scenic drive."
  • Reversible lanes are not understood by anybody ... especially those of us who live here. Stay out of them unless you are looking for a head-on collision.
  • If you're standing on a corner and a MARTA Bus stops, you're expected to get on and go somewhere.
  • Atlanta's traffic is the friendliest around. The commuters spend hours mingling with each other twice a day. In fact, Atlanta's traffic is rated number one in the country. You will often see people parked beside the road and engaged in lively tailgate discussions.
  • Georgia route 400 is the southern equivalent of the Autobahn. You will rarely see a semi-truck on GA 400, because even the truck drivers are intimidated by the oversized-SUV-wielding housewives racing home after a grueling day at the salon, or a tennis match, to meet their children at the school bus, or coming home from the college prep preschool.

Have fun and be safe when you go down there, and have an FO for me.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Another great post... keep up the good work! That describes ATL perfectly.

8:53 PM  
Blogger Doug said...

It's also still possible to do business in Atlanta with people who know your name and recognize you when you enter their store. I have been away from the city for seven years and walked in Ansley Wine the other day and Jim greeted me with, "Hi Doug," as if I had been in the store last week. Try to get your clothes cleaned at Sig Samuels and they will soon know your kids' names.

It ain't like that anywhere else, folks.

6:33 AM  

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