Vegas baby, Vegas!

Every other college football blogger seems to feel the need to post their picks for key games for the upcoming week, hoping to become the internet version of Jimmy the Greek or some such nonsense. I’m not a professional picker, and I thought Iowa would roll Iowa State last week, so I’m not sure I’d pay attention to anything I post on this subject – but I’m going to give it a shot anyways. So here’s my picks and comments on this weeks upcoming top 25 games. I’d do the other ACC games, but does anyone really care who wins VMI@Duke (Duke, btw) or East Carolina@Wake Forest (ECU)? I’m going to hope not.

#1 USC vs. Arkansas
Bad news for Arkansas, USC is better than Vanderbilt. This game is USC’s home opener, and unless Leinart tears an Achilles during his ball room dancing class that Gameday was denied access to, this game has the potential to get very ugly. And the pig sooie fans calling for Houston Nutts job need to be tranquilized, right now.

Pick: USC

#2 Texas vs. Rice
Too bad this isn’t a baseball game, it’d be pretty darn good. Instead, Vince Young might break 600 yards of total offense.

Pick: Texas

#4 VPI vs. Ohio
Marcus Vick hasn’t sold me yet, but he won’t need to this week. Ohio might have beaten Pitt, but that pretty much just showed how bad Pitt is, and they will be lucky to score this week on VT’s filthy good defense.

Pick: Hokies

#5 Tennessee at #6 Florida
The week’s biggest matchup, and traditionally the game that defines who wins the SEC East. Also a battle of the two biggest white trash fanbases in college football (honorable mentions to UGA and OU). Florida fans wear jean shorts, Tennessee fans have one tooth they share between themselves like the three witches and their eyeball in Macbeth. In the battle of bad fashion against bad hygiene, bad fashion is slightly preferable.

Pick: Florida

#7 (The school that shall not be named) vs. Louisiana Monroe
There’s no way the leghumpers lose this, unfortunately.

Pick: thUGA

#8 F$U at Boston College
Not many things make me happier than Florida State losing. One of those things is Boston College losing. This game has the makings of an epic 8-3 thriller with brutally unwatchable offensive play. I’ll stick to catching the score updates on the ESPN bottom line and save myself the agony of watching this. I think F$U running backs have a tiny chance to actually score, I’m not sure BC could score on F$U’s defense if they had 8 quarters.

Pick: F$U

#9 Ohio State vs. San Diego State
On the bright side, OSU should win easily so no Buckeye players will get any hate mail this week. On the down side – OSU is going to win.

Pick: OSU

#10 Notre Dame vs. Michigan State
Drew Stanton is really good, and the nation will get to meet him this weekend. Notre Dame is the feel good story (or feel bad, depending on how you stand) of the year so far, but MSU is a very strong team and they seem to own ND in South Bend.

Pick: Michigan State

#11 Louisville vs. Oregon State
Louisville is overrated. Good for them, they get to play a Pac-10 team.

Pick: UofL

#12 Purdue at Arizona
I want to pick an upset here, I really do. Actually, I’m going to do it. Make sure to laugh at me on Sunday when Purdue wins by 50.

Pick: ‘Zona

#13 Miami at #20 Clemson
Miami cannot start out 0-2. There’s just no way that can happen. But Clemson looks good, beat them last year in Coral Gables and Kyle Wright is still a huge question mark. Even with all that, I’d still pick Miami. But now word is out that Tyrone Moss has a severe leg bruise and might not even play. Clemson can score some points, I’m not sure Miami can.

Pick: Clemson

#14 Michigan vs. Eastern Michigan
Coach Carr can pound the directional schools with the best of them, and Big Blue will be out for blood.

Pick: Michigan

#15 California vs. Illinois
Overated trumps absolutely terrible.

Pick: Cal

#16 Georgia Tech vs. UCONN
More on this game later.

Pick: Yellow Jackets, duh

#18 Arizona State vs. Northwestern
Sam Keller might throw for 500 yards.

Pick: Arizona State

#19 Texas Tech vs. Sam Houston St.
Admit it, that gimmicky offense is fun as hell to watch. Hicks is the best WR in the country not name Calvin. TT is extremely reliable about blowing out inferior opponents and this should be no different.

Pick: TT

#21 Oklahoma at UCLA
Everybody seems to be picking the upset here. I just don’t see it, even though OU really sucks. Adrian Peterson seems like he’s just going to will this team to victories this year, and should be able to do it against a UCLA team that’s getting far too much press for it’s own good.

Pick: OU

#22 Iowa vs. Northern Iowa
Even Iowa’s backup QB can complete passes against Northern Iowa. Iowa will probably drop out of the top 25 here soon, but not this week.

Pick: Iowa

#23 Fresno State at Oregon
I don’t like Oregon. At all. And those uniforms are unbelievably bad. That being said, they win this game.

Pick: Oregon

#25 Virginia at Syracuse
Syracuse couldn’t score at a sorority party in Athens. Even though key players for UVa are banged up (Lundy and Brooks especially) they still have plenty to beat a truly bad SU team.

Pick: Snobs